I know that I have received enough and too much from my mother. I could never thank her adequately. Let this space and entry be for her, my way of truly appreciating a person that makes me human and continues to shape me.
In an unexpected time, my mother comes to touch me in a special way. When there are confusions and difficulties that beset me, my mother seems to have a radar to know my situation. She seems to have a magic wand that eases any heaviness in my heart and mind. Her presence and words shove away the insecurities and fears that cloud my heart and mind. When she holds my hand, I feel like she is holding my wounded heart in her hand. When she hugs me, I feel like she is taking away the heaviness in my chest and owning it as hers too. She sees me as hers but not as a possession, a blessing to appreciate, take care and nourish.
Two years ago, she gave me two polos. It would have been any other gifts I had received from her, but these had been polos with instructions from her. She put one on me and said, “You should learn how to fix yourself. Look at you; no girls will like you.” I retorted, “It’s OK. I don’t like girls who will like me only because of how I look, I would like a girl who will like me as I am.” Then she said with some wishing tone, “Yeah, I know that. But I would like you to have a girl.” I simply hugged her without saying a word anymore. I thought and believed that I already have the best girl I could ever find. When I finally spoke, “thank you ma” were the words I could muster to say.